The Secret Lives of Rectal Ticks

Birds in my Pants

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 23:30:44 GMT

Yesterday was a magical day. Not only was it a Friday or the 9th day of June, but it was the day I found two baby robins in a bush in the backyard. I fed them worms and got covered in that oh-so-flattering array of colors known fondly as "bird shit".

Wed, 09 May 2007 14:47:22 GMT

This is the best phone conversation I have ever accidentally heard:

"Aren't you on house arrest?...Shut up, you're going to buy shrooms."

Way to talk about your friend's illegal drug issues in a crowded clinic.

Years, Months, Days, Hours, Seconds, Beyond

Tue, 01 May 2007 03:27:31 GMT

l. 1.4
16
o. 488
v. 11, 712
702, 720
e. 42, 163, 200

Zoology 291

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 01:33:51 GMT

Apparently, some 11-year-olds are sexy-hot.

In The Morning

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 12:14:47 GMT

There are reasons that, when I get to school at 0640, I sit in the upstairs portion of Southview. One of these reason is that there really is no one here at almost 7 in the morning. It's quiet and if I have work to do, that makes it all the better - fewer interruptions.

I know I used to sit downstairs and since you got here early, too, we would kind of hang out. But, really, I come up here to be alone.

So, when today all of the sudden you walk through the door and say, "There you are," as if I've been missing (even though you know where I am since obviously you came up here), it's annoying. No, I don't entirely care that you have to work until almost midnight, yeah, it sucks. I have to work tonight, too. Boo hoo, for me. I don't want to hear about you being tired; I'm tired, too. I went to bed at 2300 and got up at 5.

It so happens that I have a test today and I wanted this quiet time to study. It doesn't matter that you aren't talking to me, you're sitting next to me and for some reason, just you being there is annoying.

It's not going to kill you if we don't sit with each other every morning. Or any morning, for that matter.

Hopefully, you won't come back downstairs looking for me after I slipped away to exercise while you were in the bathroom.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go study for this Biology test. I want an "A".

Zoology 291

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 00:59:30 GMT

-"Why do people hack off their penises with a machete? It's a bell-shaped curve."

-"On the other hand, we have nymphomaniacs as well, and they aren't the norm either. Unfortunately for some of us."

-"I've never known any lactating women very closely."

-"Do I kill myself for sex? My genes say, "Do it, Dave."

Per Sever

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 17:25:01 GMT

Welcome to Minnesota.

Yes, I am always welcome here.

If I Had A Rat's Ass

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 14:38:00 GMT

To My Biology Group,

I don't know why it is you can't find the time to adequately complete the assignments we've been given. When we divide the work up and we have two weeks to work on it, there is no reason we should be getting a 3/10 on an assignment.

Marisa and Katie: You work together on almost every assignment and you never fail to produce a less-than-average product. Grow up. You are in college and while you may have been able to half-ass stuff in high school, you won't get away with it as easily as here. Not only that, be you are PART OF A GROUP. There are OTHER people relying on you and right now, I'm sure there are a few people that are a little upset with your behavior. You don't study for the quizzes (which would explain why you're getting a 7/20), you don't study well enough for the exams (which would explain why you got a 50%), and it's no wonder you're practically failing.

When you two spend all of lab time on Facebook and Myspace and God knows what other cliched, mainstream crap, it's no wonder you don't know what's happening.

Katie: When I talked to you the day before a paper is due and you assure me you and Marisa are doing your parts, I believed you. When you tell me Marisa is doing the paragraph on transgenders and hormone replacement therapy, I believed you. When you told me you were almost done writing your paragraph on men and women and hormone replacement therapy, I believed you.

When I saw the paper, none of those had been done. There was NO talk about transgender, which I can only assume is because Marisa didn't send Stephanie an email, or just didn't do it. And you didn't discuss women and men. I don't know how much clearer the directions for your part needed to be. They said, "Identify all the groups that have an interest in the problem. Describe why they are concerned and explain what their stance is with regard to your topic" on page 2 of the lab manual.

That does not mean you describe what hormone replacement therapy is, what the symptoms of menopause are, the ethicality of the situation, that is MY PART OF THE PAPER. I'm writing about why it is controversial and what it is. Keep it straight.

I SENT YOU MY PART OF THE PAPER BEFORE YOU EVEN FINISHED YOURS. You just summed up what I said. Not to mention, you barely used any of your own sources, you used the ones I had found.

Do you know why, when we get our papers back, my paragraph is always the one with NO CORRECTIONS and why the professor always says that my paragraphs is well-written? It's because I take initiative. I go to our online resources, I go to the library, I do RESEARCH, and then I write my paragraph.

For someone who is majoring in English, your writing skills are absolutely abhorrent. You don't even use proper MLA citation. You learn that as a freshman is high school! You review it is all the English classes here! That is just unacceptable.

And emailing Stephanie your part at midnight, when both she and I told you that she needed your part in order to write our thesis is just irresponsible and inconsiderate. Especially when you have had two weeks to do this.

Stephanie: Skipping classes and labs without emailing anyone in the group or the teacher is not something I would expect someone of your age. Just because you've "taken a million-bagillion biology classes before and this is all review" is no reason to just not show up. You have a responsibility to the group to be there for labs because we need to work together. Besides that, if this is all review, like you say it is, why aren't you getting high scores on your quizzes?

Forgetting about your parts of the assignment and doing them before/during class is unacceptable. I know that the last time is because Katie and Marisa sent you their part late, but it should have been your job to call or email them and remind them you needed their stuff. Just "sitting around and waiting" is just a waste of time.

Talking to your boyfriend on AOL Instant Messenger during lab and not paying attention is annoying. Skimping out one writing a thesis for our paper when you had all morning (granted not an incredible amount of time) to write it and you type one sentence, lets us all down.

You didn't format our paper, you didn't put everyone's name on it and it wasn't double spaced.

For someone who is a biology major, you aren't even grasping the basic concepts. I'm getting better grades than you and not only is this my hardest class, it is my least favorite class. But I STUDY because I know it isn't a strong point and I want to do well.

When I send you an email, explaining how our next assignment has been divided up, and I type, word for word, out of the lab manual the directions, and I tell you basically what your part is and tell you to contact Katie to find out which of the three concepts you have. I don't know because I am doing a different part of the paper. Don't instant message me and ask a million questions about it when I KNOW everything is clearly stated in the email I sent you.

When I list the THREE parts and tell you that I am doing ONE and TWO, no, it does not mean I am doing the whole thing, it means I am doing part one and two and you are doing a portion of part three. Which Katie will elaborate on for you.

Aside from the poor performance you contribute to our work, you have an obnoxious personality. I don't like talking to you, I don't like your offhand comments during lab about how much of an asshole our teacher is, or your annoying smile. Seriously, I don't care. I have other things to think about and better things to listen to.

What? 14.5?

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 14:00:26 GMT

Managers,

I understand that there are at least three people who are leaving/ have been fired. Jason gave his two weeks notice (which I'm not upset about since I don't like working with him anyway), Morgan was caught stealing food for something like the 20th time and got fired (it's about time since she is the laziest person I have worked with here), and I have no idea what happened to Nick, but his name is not on the schedule anymore.

I would hope in a situation like this, where things are going to be tight for a while, that there would be a nice, neon-colored sign on the door, advertising that we are hiring. Giving everyone who's left a ton of hours instead of looking for help is stressful for everyone. I understand that the process of hiring new people is a pain; it takes time and effort. But seriously, I am used to working 6-9 hours a week. You know why that works out well for me? Because I go to school. I'm taking a fairly heavy load of credits, I have homework I need to do, and only working three days a week works out well for me. But when you give someone who's used to working 6-9 hours a week and give them 14.5 hours, that's crazy.

And part of it is unfair, too. Because while Kristen (who's working 15.5 hours this week) and I have heavy work loads, I know there are other people on that schedule who can work more hours (because they don't go to school) and they were only given a few shifts. They might not work as well with the customers, but they are employees.

The other thing that's bothersome is that while I'm on the schedule for 14.5 hours, I know I'll probably end up work something more like 15 or 15.5. Do you want to know why? Because for some reason, I always have to work overtime, basically without fail, every shift. That frustrates me. I have a life outside of work, so when I'm scheduled to work until 1330, I was to be in the process of leaving by 1330. And when I have already stayed 35 minutes after I'm supposed to leave, and when I am told to can clock out, all I want to do is make my food and leave. When I am asked to stay for another few minutes AFTER I have clocked out and I say that I clocked out, don't reply: "What? You can't work 5 minutes off the clock?". I'm sorry, but I worked 5-10 minutes off the clock this morning, not to mention I stayed and worked for more than a half hour after my shift was supposed to end because someone didn't do their managing very well.

When we're out of soup bags, have no more Mediterranean dressing, have no more dish soap and it's only 1200, there is a management problem somewhere. If we don't have clean dishes, we need to close the restaurant. And becasue we didn't have any detergent, we ran out of bus tubs. So, when we are crowded for two hours and then a huge group leaves, there isn't anything to put the dishes in to carry them to the back, which makes my job harder and makes the staff as a whole less effecient.

I hope that is itsn't a problem that I requested off the 15th-25th when I saw that I would be working enough hours to cover two weeks in one, I decided to take my entire Spring break off to go to Minnesota. But, the way I see it is: I just picked up the slack of three other workers, I will have worked Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, because you won't hire new people. You not hiring should be my problem. My life doesn't revolve around working.

There are two reasons that I made my schedule so I only go to school two days a week, one is so that I am able to work more (which doesn't seem to have been a necessity until now, not to mention that no matter how many times I tell you when I can work and I even write it down for you, you still can't get it right) AND so that I have the time to go to Minnesota and it isn't just for two days.

Honestly, I don't request off all that often. The last time I requested off was four days for my birthday and that was the first time I'd requested off more than a day or two in months. And I know that when I go into work sometime this week, you will probably give me a hard time for taking ten days off (just like you did when I first started and was apparently requesting off too many weekends), but I know you can afford to fire me. At least not right now. Not only that, but just because I'm requesting time off does not constitute letting me go. That would put you in a worse position than just putting up without me for a few days. I'm a hard worker and I do my job well. I listen to instructions, I do what you tell me to do when you tell me to do it. Do you know how I know that I'm a good worker? Because you've told me.

I was upfront with you BEFORE THIS SEMESTER STARTED (and actualy before last semester ended, which would have been 3-4 months ago). I TOLD you that I would be taking weekends off to go to Minnesota, you said it wouldn't be a problem. I also said it wouldn't be every weekend and it hasn't been. I asked off for February 21-25, gave you two weeks to schedule me when you wanted, and now I'm requesting off again. I said I could be requesting off up to every other weekend. I know weekends are usually when you need people, so here's a revolutionary idea, why don't you find someone who is available to work on weekends?

I'll work when I can, I'll put up with the schedule you gave me, but I need my time off, I need to have a life.

Cock-Rocking For Joy

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 01:50:30 GMT

All right, so I thought this semester was going to be absolutely terrible, but so far, I love it. All of my classes are excellent and so are the teachers, which means that being at school from 0700 to 2100 isn't a pain at all.

Monday and Wednesday 0835-1150: Concepts of Biology
Monday and Wednesday 1300-1415: Math 110
Monday and Wednesday 1425-1540: General Anthropology
Monday and Wednesday 1550-1705: Sociology of Race and Ethnicity
Monday 1800-2045: Sex, Lies, and Immorality: The Evolution of Human Nature
TOTAL CREDITS FOR THIS SEMESTER: 17

I must be good to cram 17 credits into two days. Oh, yeah.

Most of my assignments have been reading, which is alright.

My math class is also a hybrid class, so part of it is in the classroom and part of it is online, so I can actually finish the course at any time this semester. I've already learned 1/3 (54 out of 120) things I need to know in order to finish. I'm basically addicted to doing math.

1.1!

There Are Days...

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 21:18:14 GMT

Me: When do you want that math book?
A: did you buy your books already?
Me: No, I'm going in today.
A: lol
A: i would rather watch
A: that movie
A: lol
A: i dont even have my schedule printed out yet
A: lol
Me: I just wrote mine down
A: idk if ill have enough money
A: lol
A: u have
A: 200
A: dollars i have
A: you should bring your math book
Me: Bring it where?
A: it's 11
A: i can stil watch life aquativc
A: aquatic
A: when will you go
Me: I'll probably go around 3 or 330
A: that's too late
A: lol
A: i have math and english
A: on monday
A: and
A: i already have the book
A: i could imagine it would be the same thing
Me: Already have the math book?
A: no
Me: I'll be at school at 7:00 on Monday.
Me: I could sell it to you on that day.
A: shit
A: i have my international politics class also
A: what's the bookstore number
Me: I don't know
Me: Look it up on the website
A: damn
A: they don't answer
A: i dont know how much money i will need.
Me: $300-$400 depending on how many classes you have.
A: Kim, if there was a girl that wasn't very attractive, but you wanted to go to nz would you do it? I mean if it were a guy?
A: my books weren't that much last time.
A: i already
A: have english
A: i need yours
A: chem
A: and
A: international politics
A: shit
A: so i have
A: international politics, english, and math
A: all on monday
Me: Do you want to buy the book on Monday?
A: sure
A: it's on okay shape right
A: as long as the pages are still there
A: i have a question about the workbook?
Me: Yep, all the pages are there.
A: what's the point of it?
A: wouldn't i have to be a new one, since the pages are probably gone/
Me: It has all the odd problems in the book worked out step by step. If you get stuck on a problem, it can show you how to do it.
A: oh ok
A: i meant
A: the workbook
A: lol
Me: There isn't a workbook.'
A: oh
A: there is no workbook?
A: i thought you said there was a workbook
Me: There's the math book and then there's the answer book.
A: ok
A: i get it now
A: i am stupid
A: i dont want to buy books
A: you know
A: me having
A: those books already
A: saved me a lot
A: it's quite shitty that i messed up in that class though
Me: It's a pity.
A: i never went to it
A: what did i expect
A: are you taking more philosophy?
Me: Not next semester.
A: oh
A: i dont' think I am ever taking philosophy again.
Me: Awesome
Me: What times on Monday are you free to meet to buy the book?
A: i can be there at 7
A: something
A: i have class
A: at 8
Me: I have class at 835
A: how much for the book?
A: I really hope I pass this class.
A: I am so bad at math.
Me: Do you want the answer book, too?
A: sure
Me: How does $50 sound for both of them?
Me: (I'll be in Southview at 7)
Me: Did you get poorer, because it was 45 last time. hah
Me: $45 is fine.
A: well
A: Is that okay?
A: i dont feel like going into school though
A: cuz
A: the conference is today
A: i dont want to be seen
A: i should've probably went to it
A: oh well
Me: What conference?
A: omg
A: omg
A: ahhh
A: i knew it would be a lot of money
A: shit
Me: What are you talking about?
A: she said it would be
A: around
A: 200
A: both
A: poly sci
A: and
A: chem 125
A: plus i have to buy folders
A: and everything yet
A: i should've bought it
A: when it was beginning
A: doubled up on stuff
A: i am a real idiot
Me: $200 for both of the books for that class?
A: no
A: 200
A: for
A: chem
A: and 175 poly
Me: Damn
Me: Well, I'm going to go get ready and go to the book store. Catch you later.

For Your Informational Use

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 02:43:10 GMT

Why, Thank You, Brian

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:42:25 GMT

psssh i never get bored of thinking of andy
anyway, i'll get back to my studying/slashing my threeway with you and andy

The Gnat

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 01:53:13 GMT

So, today one of my classmates bent over and I saw his ass crack. And this certain classmate isn't exactly on the svelte side, it's more the: "I have some love-handles going on in my abdominal region." It was disturbing.

My vagina folded in on itself and was vaccuumed up into my cervix and now I am asexual.

Vaginal Spongebob Must Be A Douche

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 23:26:01 GMT

I can't even being to write what I'm thinking.

An Almost Repeat Of Monday 20060501

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 13:12:26 GMT

The monday after he leaves is always the worst. I wake up with that dull ache, knowing he's gone, knowing he will be gone, and that there's an ocean on hours before he'll be back.

After that Monday, thought, it's usually better. It's the initial shock that hurts the most.

There are times when I sometimes think I could live without him and I wouldn't even know the difference. I have a bad habit of rationalizing thinks like that - demeaning my relationships with people. In reality, if by some fluke someone does leave, I hurt terribly, my whole body hurts. Kind of like the Monday after he leaves.

There are millions of things that would never be the same if he left. Some small and seemiingly so insignificant most people would wonder why it would matter.

The truth, more that anything, is that I love him...I love who become when we're together and I love who I am when we're apart. It's the kind of love that makes everything somehow better and life easier.

No, he's not my better half, I'm whole by myself (and so is he), but together, two wholes become more than anyone imagined. And in the midst of disaster, we have a certain paradise we couldn't find alone.

The Sex Lives of Teenagers

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 17:33:15 GMT

For some reason, I felt last night that I needed a change.

I feel almost guilty about leaving my old journal, I've had it for years, I've written about almost everything, a large portion of my life is there, but I also feel that the username is long behind me. I think it gives the wrong message about who I am and what I stand for, it stands for what I was and I have moved on from that point in my life.

I may still post there occasionally, but I will mainly be here now.

If you aren't slready on my friends list and would like to be, leave a comment.